this is my diary. i will write here sometimes. right now i am feeling tired. hmmmm. i also think... i am depressed. but it will be okay, i think. in recent times i have been getting a lot of work done on this site. lots of improvements and new pages. i am currently working on a site for aster. he likes purple and sonic and bright chaotic things so i will do my best to make it like that. im not going to write when this is all typed as i think itd be more fun if it was just a stupid large wall of text with no discernable start or end. i think id fuck a computer. id also fuck a woman i guess but a computer sounds better because with a woman id get so nervous. i dont know how to fuck a computer. so maybe i wouldnt actually. maybe id just spiritually fuck a computer. im not objectum i just have good taste. i might be objectum. probably not. i hope to become an artist. i want to be popular but not to popular. i want to be obscure. i want enough money to live in a cute cottage in the woods with 3 chickens, a duck, a garden with tomatoes, potatoes, basil, thyme, lemons, maybe apples though i dont really like apples, grapes, strawberries. but realistically not grapes or strawberries. i also want my dog, of course, and a bug tarerium. it would have a praying mantis and some beetles that the mantis would not eat. the mantis would be female. because well... they are. cooler than the males. oops! okay i am getting tired. i am going to take my meds then pee then go to bed. but not before scrolling through tumblr till my medication kicks in. i dont know how to spell their names. hydroxizine and lexapro and something or other. only three. i wish it was less because taking meds is annoying. being reliant on meds is annoying. severely... i dont really like it but it could be worse i guess. hrmmm. im getting bored. actually tired. im just tired. i do enjoy sleeping. i sleep in a lot and love naps. i love napping with my dog. he is a puppy really. i love to snuggle him and pet him till we both fall asleep. he is 16.6 pounds, the color of a lightly toasted marshmallow. his name is Laika. some may find the name morbid, as its in refrence to the first dog sent to space. fuck the soviet union. and so on. but ive always loved Laika and felt very deeply for her and all other dogs and animals sent to space. it makes me feel an inordinant amount of distress. or maybe its the right amount of distress. i think its actually an appropriate reaction to helpless animals being sent into the void of space. it breaks my heart every time. but my dog... i love him soso dearly. i really love him like a son. i never want children, but Laika is my son. i love him so much, and he is so precious to me. i could talk on and on and on about him. and i know i will. and i will. gosh i love him! hes currently sleeping on my bed nestled in blankets on his back, tummy up and paws curled in. its adorable ahhh. oh he looks so peaceful! i love him so much. he seems to be enjoying himself very much and gosh does that make me happy. i love his little satisfied smile, it fills me with joy and content and warmth. i forgot to mention he has a cute curly tail. he also has orange eyelashes. and his eyes are like little brown and golden galaxies. he has perfectly white teeth that are little and sharp like a pirhannas. he has a perfect pink nose like a gummy. he is pudgy yet also muscular in a way. he likes to hop and makes cute meowing sounds. he wears little space themed diapers for boys because he piddles in excitement still. he is sooo soft. i love him so much its altering my brain chemistry or something because he sometimes smells different to me. like the other day i swore he smelled like honey, and yesterday he smelled like grahm crackers. and the usual cute puppy smell, but those things too. he is around 1 years old. the shelter said he was 2 but no way. he is very much a puppy still, poor thing. he was in there for four days. i got him as soon as he became available for adoption. he looked so scared and was shivering and curled up and wouldnt come up to the bars of his little cell. poor baby. but now hes done a complete turnaround, he is exceptionally bubbly and energetic and sweet. playing is his love language. he loves to play. and hes a big foodie.